23 July 2009

Nat'l Lampoon Summer Camp Vacation

I have a great idea for the beginning of the next National Lampoon movie:

The Griswold family is scrambling frantically to pack their slightly ratty van. Luggage is packed in every crevice and beginning to explode out the back. Because their dryer is geriatric, Mrs. Griswold spreads wet socks and t-shirts over the top of the mountain of luggage. The trip is beginning two hours later than anyone wanted it to and tensions are mounting.

Finally, the family van rams off down the road. The Griswold kids are miserably hot and tired from being buckled in their seats for forty-five minutes before departure. They try to behave, but sheer excitement keeps them slapping at one another for at least an hour before they fall asleep and start to drool. Meanwhile, Mrs. Griswold has cranked up her mp3 player, bare feet hanging out the window as she nods off to sleep. The husband begins his own slow slide into oblivion, as the van careens from side to side. No one notices except a stray moose. As they fly down the highway, the girls’ heads are flopping all over the place as they sleep in the backseat with luggage under their feet.

Suddenly, tires screech as the husband wakes up. He has spotted a gas station…with souvenirs! The children clamor for their parents to buy them more useless junk, but Mrs. Griswold resists temptation. Thus begins the vicious cycle. Moments of deep sleep followed by abrupt adrenaline surges create cries of "I’m hungry!" and "Are we there yet?" After investigating five different tourist traps, the Griswolds arrive at their destination. Thankfully, they roll in, just in time for supper.
That’s where all resemblance to National Lampoon ends, thankfully! The straight-haired girl and her sister are beside themselves. For them, this is better than a trip to the amusement park. The curly-headed girl says she likes "every single thing there, even the food." For me, this is one of those places where you get out of the car and, "sigh," peace just floods over your soul…which obviously is just what I needed.

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